CATS UNITE AGAINST FALLING BACK by Morgan Cole

In the world of modern-day politics, we see very little that unites our country: red versus blue, rural versus urban, progressive versus conservative. BUT there is one issue that received UNANIMOUS support in the U.S Senate in 2022. What is this unifying subject you ask? It’s the Sunshine Protection Act, which provides for the maintenance of Daylight Savings all year round. Don’t bother falling back and springing forward under this act. All states would enjoy a consistent time with more daylight all year round. Very few topics enjoy such popular backing in our country and bring us together more than the idea of not getting confused twice a year about what time it is when we wake up.

And now, a very powerful lobbying force has joined the cause – the cat union! Kitties across the country (excluding Arizona and Hawaii, who don’t observe Daylight Savings at all), demand a change to our system. From a feline perspective, twice a year we human servants get very confused as to what time their dinner is served. It takes us weeks to sort this out. Surely, we can do better, right cats? Consider the potential power of the cat lobby:  They can destroy clocks and watches alike by swatting them off the table in order to demonstrate that breakfast is running late. They can organize massive sit-in campaigns, calling for cats to sit on all and any important documents that their humans are using at designated times. Eventually, people will understand their place in the world. To paraphrase the great Cervantes, those who’ll play with cats’ dinner times must expect to be scratched.